Exploring Mt. Everest in slippers.

Trapped in bed today. The nothing had me.  It's almost 5pm, I've put my glasses on for the first time, and I'm sitting up in bed.  I haven't even been to the bathroom yet.  After a great week (I got to work every day), and a marginally productive weekend (I did laundry), today; the heaviness of nothing.  The inability to move.  To think.  To do.  Heavy.  Numb.  I want to be secure in my progress.  To think I can move beyond particular setbacks.  It's horrible knowing that even now, I can have the bad days.  After all the effort, the progress, the sense of achievement, I can wake up, and nothing.  These are the days that give the Depression so much ammunition.  What IS the point?  I try so damn hard, but I'm right back at the bottom again.  Why should I put in so much effort to gain ZERO traction?  Now I'm sitting up, and the brain is slowly turning (the nothing really IS nothing), I'm wondering ho...

One of the most basic things I learned during this process, is that breathing properly is a hugely effective tool.  I've often scoffed at the notion that you need to be taught how to breathe 'properly'.  Surely we'd all be dead if we were that dreadful at it.  Turns out, no.  Breathing properly isn't about doing it 'right', but doing it consciously .  Using your breath as a weapon against pain, distress, anxiety, or stress. I've begun to take a few minutes during my work day to remind myself of this.  To sit outside, to breathe, to be mindful, and remind myself I'm ok.  I can do this.   I'm also doing that thing.  That thing where you give yourself positive feedback.  I've been having 'chats' with myself in the car on the way to work.  " Good work Me.  I won the battle this morning.  Great job.  AND I showered.  Awesome.  I even made myself a sandwich for lunch.  Bloody fantastic.  Go Me!"...

Last week started well.  My new employers gave me a very positive assessment.  The sun was shining.  I'd enjoyed a quiet weekend. Then, the Depression fired it's big gun at me.  What is the point? I tried to dodge it.  I tried to spend more time with family, I tried to get enough sleep.  A migraine tried to claim me, so Wednesday I spent in bed.  I fought hard.  I was exhausted, but I wasn't going to keep losing.  Thursday I went to work.  By the time I got home, things were going badly.  Depression had rallied it's allies.  The migraine had settled in, and my guts decided that now was a good time to cleanse.  Friday I gave in for a while.   Fighting is hard. Friday night, a few people came over, and I gathered myself together and tried to soak in some good times.  I didn't last long.  A couple of hours and I was totally out of energy.  So I called it a night and went to bed.  The wee...

Fog : " a thick cloud of tiny water droplets suspended in the atmosphere at, or near, the earth's surface; which obscures or restricts visibility, to a greater extent than mist " Fog restricts visibility.  It isolates.  Fog means you can't see what's around you.  We're more likely to have an accident, because we can't see our surroundings properly.  Fog also has an affect on sound.  Muffling some noises, and accentuating others (depends on wave length).  Recovering from Depression is the slow lifting of fog.  A day of sunshine with a good breeze (got enough sleep, was able to cope all day), can make the fog all but disappear, but a day of cold dampness (when all of the failures and hopelessness become overwhelming), lets the fog set in. Sometimes the fog of Depression gets so thick, sound genuinely seems muffled.  As though I'm wearing a set of invisible headphones.  I have to concentrate so hard on listening to people, that the sense...