Exploring Mt. Everest in slippers.

Sorry, this is a series of thoughts on a subject than coherent writing. Today I drank the water.  I ate the fruit.  I did the sleeping.  I had the vegetables.  I ticked the self-care boxes (not all of them, only most).  There are fewer gaps on the board than when I began.  Yay me. Is it making me feel better?  No.  Is it supposed to?  I don't know.  Does it hurt?  No.  Should I do it?  Yes.  It's hard work. The list is giving a weird kind of structure to my days, which I think is a good thing.  While I'm not feeling any different, I am sleeping much better, which I can only hope, will lead to an improvement in outlook.  I'm trying see it as a simple tool to aid my progress.  It feels like a huge 'so what?' though.  So I'll be a healthier Depressed person?  um yay?  I don't find myself important enough to feel that this effort is worth it.  I don't care if I'm healthy.  I d...

One of the most frustrating things about Depression is the speed I lose the ground I worked so hard to gain. My self-care board was gaining traction last week, to the point that I managed to tick off everything once.  The very next day I was struck down - STRUCK DOWN I say - by a migraine that left me completely unable to function. Now, several days later, I feel like I lost all the progress I worked so hard to gain.  Looking after myself takes so much sodding effort and the migraine wiped me out.  Which leaves me back at the beginning, trying to tick off at least one thing.  Logic tells me this is just a brief blip of inaction, and it ultimately means nothing, but knowing something, and believing it to be true - are different things. One of the things on my list is talking to another person in person .  Today, I got caught up in a random conversation with a neighbour, and felt horrible for wishing he would hurry up and leave.  I didn't want com...

I haven't posted for a while.  I had decided that as I had so few readers there was no real point.  A week or so ago, I was reminded that I don't write these for you - I write them for me.  Having to assess how I'm feeling, on a regular basis, helps me maintain awareness of what my brain is doing.  In the last month, I've been really busy.  WOO - YAY ME!  I traveled to visit one of my oldest (have had longest, not the most elderly) friends, I've taken in a new heart-person, I had cuddles with a wonderfully dimpled baby, my family (direct and extended!) has added husbands, wives, fiances, and children, and I visited a bucket-list place. I've been home for over a week now, and realizing how rubbish I am at holding myself accountable for my own health. I'm trying to find ways to maintain the good days when they come.  I'm getting a bit better at it, and it's bloody hard.  I have to hold myself accountable when I can, and forgive myself when I...