Exploring Mt. Everest in slippers.

Sorry, sorry, I know - I've been lax in posting recently.  In my defense, it's the school holidays here, and there's an abundance of apprentice grown-ups in my life - so I've been very busy. I've spent the majority of the last two weeks spending time with other people's children.  Children I love.  Children who hold significance in my heart.  It's been difficult, and I'm still recovering.  I've learned you can't short-change children. Another thing I've learned is the cost.  I love these heart children, everything about them, from the littlest at only a few months old, to the group about to hit puberty - they salve a part of me that still bleeds.  The hole left by my own boys.  The boys I allowed to close me out.  The boys I miss every day.  I've become very good at not actively thinking about them.  I try not to actively wonder about what they're doing, or how they're developing - while refusing to let them fade from thought...

A long time ago ( not in a galaxy far far away), I started this blog.  I thought it would be a relatively short term project, because obviously  I would get 'better' soon.  How wrong I was.  It's been more than two years since I started writing these posts, and very little has changed. One change, is that now I know, and believe,  I have people I can trust to keep me bolstered through the worst days - often when they don't realize they're doing it.  Another change, has been my definition of 'better'.  It used to mean - able to return to the life I lived.  Now, as that life recedes further into history, 'better' means remembering to include vegetables in meals.  It means getting a decent amount of real sleep.  It means trying to look after myself in a healthier way (I'm still not very good at this - but I'm improving slowly). Another significant change is my outlook.  At the start, my journey looked like an attempt to bec...