This is getting ridiculous.

Trapped in bed today.

The nothing had me. It's almost 5pm, I've put my glasses on for the first time, and I'm sitting up in bed. I haven't even been to the bathroom yet.

After a great week (I got to work every day), and a marginally productive weekend (I did laundry), today; the heaviness of nothing. The inability to move. To think. To do.

Heavy. Numb.

I want to be secure in my progress. To think I can move beyond particular setbacks. It's horrible knowing that even now, I can have the bad days. After all the effort, the progress, the sense of achievement, I can wake up, and nothing.

These are the days that give the Depression so much ammunition. What IS the point? I try so damn hard, but I'm right back at the bottom again. Why should I put in so much effort to gain ZERO traction?

Now I'm sitting up, and the brain is slowly turning (the nothing really IS nothing), I'm wondering how much worse it would be if I wasn't on medication. If I wasn't somewhere that I felt cared for.

This shit is hard.

Derri.

Comments

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