Sorry, this is a series of thoughts on a subject than coherent writing.
Today I drank the water. I ate the fruit. I did the sleeping. I had the vegetables. I ticked the self-care boxes (not all of them, only most). There are fewer gaps on the board than when I began. Yay me.
Is it making me feel better? No. Is it supposed to? I don't know. Does it hurt? No. Should I do it? Yes. It's hard work.
The list is giving a weird kind of structure to my days, which I think is a good thing. While I'm not feeling any different, I am sleeping much better, which I can only hope, will lead to an improvement in outlook. I'm trying see it as a simple tool to aid my progress. It feels like a huge 'so what?' though.
So I'll be a healthier Depressed person? um yay? I don't find myself important enough to feel that this effort is worth it. I don't care if I'm healthy. I don't give two hoots if I wake up tomorrow. I do care about letting other people down.
My to do list, while ostensibly for me, is only being used because I see a benefit to the people who care about me, for example - if I can get into a better sleeping routine, I might be less tired during the next school holidays, when I have a wee boy to spend time with.
I'm not doing it for me. I know I'm supposed to be trying to get myself into better headspace - in reality, I couldn't care less. I know the lack of drive, of passion, of well, life - should bother me, and going through my older blogs it once did, but .... nope.
I don't see the point. So what if I drank some water every day for the last two weeks. So what if I left my room? So what ...
Yeah, bit of a shit week.
Derri.
Today I drank the water. I ate the fruit. I did the sleeping. I had the vegetables. I ticked the self-care boxes (not all of them, only most). There are fewer gaps on the board than when I began. Yay me.
Is it making me feel better? No. Is it supposed to? I don't know. Does it hurt? No. Should I do it? Yes. It's hard work.
The list is giving a weird kind of structure to my days, which I think is a good thing. While I'm not feeling any different, I am sleeping much better, which I can only hope, will lead to an improvement in outlook. I'm trying see it as a simple tool to aid my progress. It feels like a huge 'so what?' though.
So I'll be a healthier Depressed person? um yay? I don't find myself important enough to feel that this effort is worth it. I don't care if I'm healthy. I don't give two hoots if I wake up tomorrow. I do care about letting other people down.
My to do list, while ostensibly for me, is only being used because I see a benefit to the people who care about me, for example - if I can get into a better sleeping routine, I might be less tired during the next school holidays, when I have a wee boy to spend time with.
I'm not doing it for me. I know I'm supposed to be trying to get myself into better headspace - in reality, I couldn't care less. I know the lack of drive, of passion, of well, life - should bother me, and going through my older blogs it once did, but .... nope.
I don't see the point. So what if I drank some water every day for the last two weeks. So what if I left my room? So what ...
Yeah, bit of a shit week.
Derri.
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