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Ready, set.... go.

The hardest thing I'm finding, is forgiving myself for failure.  Learning not to treat road blocks AS failures.  I'm allowed to struggle.  You're allowed to struggle.  To struggle is human.  Depression just adds slow-motion, while everything else is carrying on as usual. 

Starting again doesn't get any easier, I'm just getting better at it; practice makes perfect?  Not forcing myself to meet the expectations of others, but to go at a speed I can manage. 

When people lap me on the athletic track of life, I have to remember it's not a competition.  We're all running our own races.  Mine is twisted, crooked, and loaded with hurdles; water hazards, quicksand, and scattered mines.  I don't know about the obstacles in the lanes next to me, I can only deal with mine.  To get to the hazard-free straights, I have to pace myself.  I have to tackle each thing as it comes and not worry about the next one.


It's tricky.  Trying not to worry about an obstacle I haven't reached yet.  I haven't cleared this one yet, but I can SEE the next one.  I can feel it looming.  The fear of the next hurdle, makes finishing the current one harder.  I know that thinking about upcoming issues, is a waste of what little energy I have; I know that I should just be concentrating on getting through today.  So I try to ignore it.  I mostly fail don't succeed, and wear myself out.

So I have to start again.

Maybe this time I'll get to the straight?  Maybe next time I can start on lap 2?

Derri
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