♫ Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes ♫

I got my KiwiSaver balance today (for people not in NZ, this is compulsory savings for retirement), which got me thinking to this time last year. I was beginning my fall to the deepest I've fallen. The last time I knew how much I'd saved, I remember thinking - it's just enough to cover my debts if I die today. It was the first time I'd given words to that feeling I'd had for so long.

I've come a long way. Most of the time it doesn't feel like I'm making much progress, but when I look back at a longer time frame? I've made a handful of new friends. I've rebuilt friendships with old friends. I have people to call who know how I feel. I can see the support I have. I have a new job. I am almost up to date on debt repayments.

Things are so much better, even though, it seems like I'm not getting very far on a day-to-day basis. Even small steps are movement. I'm starting to think I have to stop thinking of this as a mountain to conquer, because I don't think a win is possible. I'll be climbing for the rest of my life.

It's not going to go away. My brain doesn't work like I want it to, but it still works. Life isn't how I would like it to be, but who can say different? Just like people with physical issues that hinder their lives, I can find ways around the obstacles.

So, I'm going to keep plodding along, making progress, however slowly.

Derri

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Iggle-aggle-oddle-adle-ay

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Exploring Mt. Everest in slippers.

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