In the last week, I found a way to mute the voice of Depression in my head. Hooray! It doesn't make the Depression go away, and it doesn't give my battery/fuel any extra life, but it has given me some pleasant evenings.
Coloring in. I can see why it's being touted as an exercise in mindfulness. I am so completely focused on what I'm doing, I'm not telling myself I'm a waste of space. I'm so caught up in which shade of red to use next, I don't hear the Depression telling me I'm just wasting time before dying. It's very calming. AND. I have something lovely to look at when I'm done. I'm even considering buying some cheap frames and displaying some. Look, I did a thing (dragon eggs from Game of Thrones). It's pretty.
Coloring is low energy - even lower than reading; which is my other go-to when I'm out of oomph and sleeping isn't on the cards. There's no mental interaction. I don't have to consider plot lines, character arcs, or worry about red herrings. All I need to think about is what I want the picture to look like, and go with it. When I have no ability to function beyond the basics, it's nice to do something with no deadline/end point. I could leave a picture unfinished forever, and work on something else. I've never left a book partially read, but I could leave a picture for weeks, or months. I wouldn't have to start from the beginning to catch up with it before completing it. It's perfect for when even a book is too stressful.
Yes, me. Saying reading is stressful. Me. Who has been known to easily whiz through 3 or 4 novels a week. In the last few years, I've read fewer and fewer NEW stories, instead re-reading old ones. I can't even remember the first time I read something genuinely new. Oh, I've read new books, don't get me wrong; but they're the companion books; sequels, prequels, interludes, and deleted scenes, from stories I'm already familiar with. Completely new books are hard work. They're like being the new kid at school. You don't know anyone, you don't know the layout, there's a new social structure to learn, a new set of unspoken rules, it takes a lot of concentration. New books in an existing 'world' are more like welcoming the new kid. Everything is familiar to me, I only have to integrate one new thing into what I already know. Much easier.
Easiest of all, is listening to audio books. So long as they're familiar. On my hardest days; the days I risk wetting the bed because going to the toilet is too hard - hitting play on an audio book, keeps the voice of Depression from overwhelming me.
Today I did coloring. Tonight, if I can't sleep, I have the audio book of Neil Gaiman's Stardust lined up. I've kept the Depression at bay for another day. I got out of bed. I showered. I got dressed into clothes and not pjs. I ate vegetables. I got a hug from my nephew. Today was a good day.
Derri.
Coloring in. I can see why it's being touted as an exercise in mindfulness. I am so completely focused on what I'm doing, I'm not telling myself I'm a waste of space. I'm so caught up in which shade of red to use next, I don't hear the Depression telling me I'm just wasting time before dying. It's very calming. AND. I have something lovely to look at when I'm done. I'm even considering buying some cheap frames and displaying some. Look, I did a thing (dragon eggs from Game of Thrones). It's pretty.
Coloring is low energy - even lower than reading; which is my other go-to when I'm out of oomph and sleeping isn't on the cards. There's no mental interaction. I don't have to consider plot lines, character arcs, or worry about red herrings. All I need to think about is what I want the picture to look like, and go with it. When I have no ability to function beyond the basics, it's nice to do something with no deadline/end point. I could leave a picture unfinished forever, and work on something else. I've never left a book partially read, but I could leave a picture for weeks, or months. I wouldn't have to start from the beginning to catch up with it before completing it. It's perfect for when even a book is too stressful.
Easiest of all, is listening to audio books. So long as they're familiar. On my hardest days; the days I risk wetting the bed because going to the toilet is too hard - hitting play on an audio book, keeps the voice of Depression from overwhelming me.
Today I did coloring. Tonight, if I can't sleep, I have the audio book of Neil Gaiman's Stardust lined up. I've kept the Depression at bay for another day. I got out of bed. I showered. I got dressed into clothes and not pjs. I ate vegetables. I got a hug from my nephew. Today was a good day.
Derri.
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