There's a thing that gets glossed over when anti-depressants are prescribed. It's mentioned of course, but it's so far down the list of priorities to straighten out (you know, like wanting to stay alive), it doesn't concern anyone.
One of the most prevalent side effects of anti-depressant medications; is loss of libido.
When I was fighting suicidal ideation, and struggling to get out of bed at all; this was 'no-big-deal'. Barely even noteworthy.
I seem to have moved past that stage, and now I wonder how much the lack of sex drive impacts a lack of any kind of drive at all. Would an urge to meet someone, overcome my need to stay in? Would the need to attract someone, provoke me to brush my hair? I honestly don't know. (Please note, no amount of make up would make me look like Charlize Theron).
I'm only thinking about it now, because it was pointed out to me that I've been single for well over a year now, and there's nothing to stop me 'getting out there'. But, I'm just not interested. I have zero inclination to put on my best face and step out to impress; I don't even have an inclination to brush my hair and leave the house.
In this regard I'm left unsure how much of my apathy is the Depression, and how much is the lack of desire caused by my medication. Another chicken and egg situation. Each results in the other.
And honestly? It still doesn't really concern me, and I don't know if it should. Should it? Is it rational to be ok when the high-point of a day can be a perfect cup of tea?
Navigating the minefield of my Depression has become navigating a maze made up of circles that lead back into each other. The confusion and helplessness is still here, and the way out is no clearer than before. People keep insisting that there is an 'outside' to this maze and that once I'm out things will get simpler; but I feel like Sarah in the movie Labyrinth - every time she thinks she's got a handle on things, the Labyrinth throws another curve ball at her. Each time I think I've made a breakthrough, I find a whole new set of interconnected mental knots to untie.
Time for a cuppa.
Derri.
One of the most prevalent side effects of anti-depressant medications; is loss of libido.
When I was fighting suicidal ideation, and struggling to get out of bed at all; this was 'no-big-deal'. Barely even noteworthy.
I seem to have moved past that stage, and now I wonder how much the lack of sex drive impacts a lack of any kind of drive at all. Would an urge to meet someone, overcome my need to stay in? Would the need to attract someone, provoke me to brush my hair? I honestly don't know. (Please note, no amount of make up would make me look like Charlize Theron).
I'm only thinking about it now, because it was pointed out to me that I've been single for well over a year now, and there's nothing to stop me 'getting out there'. But, I'm just not interested. I have zero inclination to put on my best face and step out to impress; I don't even have an inclination to brush my hair and leave the house.
In this regard I'm left unsure how much of my apathy is the Depression, and how much is the lack of desire caused by my medication. Another chicken and egg situation. Each results in the other.
And honestly? It still doesn't really concern me, and I don't know if it should. Should it? Is it rational to be ok when the high-point of a day can be a perfect cup of tea?
Navigating the minefield of my Depression has become navigating a maze made up of circles that lead back into each other. The confusion and helplessness is still here, and the way out is no clearer than before. People keep insisting that there is an 'outside' to this maze and that once I'm out things will get simpler; but I feel like Sarah in the movie Labyrinth - every time she thinks she's got a handle on things, the Labyrinth throws another curve ball at her. Each time I think I've made a breakthrough, I find a whole new set of interconnected mental knots to untie.
Time for a cuppa.
Derri.
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