Weeks like this one, I can understand why it's a curse. This blog isn't particularly cohesive, more a collection of random things I've observed or felt during the week.
I moved into my new place, and thanks to my sister, got it done in two car-loads. I was completely unpacked by the next day, and was settling in to my new little nest. I had to book an appointment with the welfare office, and try to cover my grocery bill for the first week. It was within walking distance, I was 'good', and walked instead of finding a bus route that would get me there. I had to then do my first shop, and even though it IS on a convenient train route, a weeks groceries are difficult to carry by yourself. And I made a new friend, who's gone through some similar experiences to me, and was finding their way in a new city.
Between the physical exertion of moving house, visiting the welfare office, grocery shopping, and doing some touristy things; I'm sleeping pretty well. Add in the mental exertion of a new home, a new friend, a new routine, and change in general - the sleep isn't enough. I'M EXHAUSTED.
It's oddly relaxing to have 'deep and meaningfuls' with a person I didn't meet through my doctor's recommendation, or through a group put together by my counselor. Pondering ponders without the sense that someone is keeping track of your mental well-being is very freeing - but also tiring, choosing to be vulnerable, choosing to show the flaws, choosing honesty, is difficult to do after a life lived behind walls.
Yesterday I went to bed early and slept for nearly 15 hours. Got up, had a cup of tea, and went back to bed for another 2 hours. Hopefully things will settle down and I'll get back into a more balanced frame of mind soon. Change is exciting and scary and hard.
I'm trying to create new habits now I'm back on my own. I made a point of buying foods that need to be properly cooked for meals, I bought healthier snacks, and I bought no cola or candy (I did buy chocolate - but no-one is perfect).
Turns out self-care is hard work. I've exercised, and I've socialized. This week I've even eaten (reasonably) well, I don't like cooking, and forcing myself to make a meal is a battle. I'm losing more often than not, but on the days I win, eating properly is great. I don't know why it's such a difficult thing for me to do, so it remains a fight. Now I feel like I've completely hit the wall, and want to hide for a month.
I'm missing my family, in particular my nephew. His random bursts of loud play was a trickle of positive energy throughout the days that didn't really register while I was there; I'm noticing the lack now. Being able to hear the muted conversational hum from downstairs, knowing that at any time I could join and be wanted - again, didn't really register, and I'm noticing the lack now. I also miss the family of tui that lived in the trees outside my window; and their singing in the sun.
In closing, family and friends are important. Self-care is important. Sleep is important. Good food is important. Also - Fluffy socks. They help. I don't know why.
Derri.
I moved into my new place, and thanks to my sister, got it done in two car-loads. I was completely unpacked by the next day, and was settling in to my new little nest. I had to book an appointment with the welfare office, and try to cover my grocery bill for the first week. It was within walking distance, I was 'good', and walked instead of finding a bus route that would get me there. I had to then do my first shop, and even though it IS on a convenient train route, a weeks groceries are difficult to carry by yourself. And I made a new friend, who's gone through some similar experiences to me, and was finding their way in a new city.
Between the physical exertion of moving house, visiting the welfare office, grocery shopping, and doing some touristy things; I'm sleeping pretty well. Add in the mental exertion of a new home, a new friend, a new routine, and change in general - the sleep isn't enough. I'M EXHAUSTED.
It's oddly relaxing to have 'deep and meaningfuls' with a person I didn't meet through my doctor's recommendation, or through a group put together by my counselor. Pondering ponders without the sense that someone is keeping track of your mental well-being is very freeing - but also tiring, choosing to be vulnerable, choosing to show the flaws, choosing honesty, is difficult to do after a life lived behind walls.
Yesterday I went to bed early and slept for nearly 15 hours. Got up, had a cup of tea, and went back to bed for another 2 hours. Hopefully things will settle down and I'll get back into a more balanced frame of mind soon. Change is exciting and scary and hard.
I'm trying to create new habits now I'm back on my own. I made a point of buying foods that need to be properly cooked for meals, I bought healthier snacks, and I bought no cola or candy (I did buy chocolate - but no-one is perfect).
Turns out self-care is hard work. I've exercised, and I've socialized. This week I've even eaten (reasonably) well, I don't like cooking, and forcing myself to make a meal is a battle. I'm losing more often than not, but on the days I win, eating properly is great. I don't know why it's such a difficult thing for me to do, so it remains a fight. Now I feel like I've completely hit the wall, and want to hide for a month.
I'm missing my family, in particular my nephew. His random bursts of loud play was a trickle of positive energy throughout the days that didn't really register while I was there; I'm noticing the lack now. Being able to hear the muted conversational hum from downstairs, knowing that at any time I could join and be wanted - again, didn't really register, and I'm noticing the lack now. I also miss the family of tui that lived in the trees outside my window; and their singing in the sun.
In closing, family and friends are important. Self-care is important. Sleep is important. Good food is important. Also - Fluffy socks. They help. I don't know why.
Derri.
Comments
Post a Comment