I was initially going to write this week's blog about using friends and family as human shields against depression. Because there are people who have some kind of field around them that interferes with Depression; they hold it at bay until I leave their presence. Then, when I tried to expand the idea into a blog, I struggled to make it any clearer than the above sentence; which is barely a paragraph.
So I'm going to talk about Depression tiredness.
It's different to being sleepy, or worn out. It's an inability to function.
I've had some really positive days recently, which are bloody FANTASTIC after all this time - the down side is how the Depression kicks my butt afterward. It knocks me out. Despite how great I feel during the positive moments - once I sleep, I wake up empty. Drained of any kind of energy at all. So much so, that I can lay there for hours before finding the oomph to check the time on my phone - and that includes being increasingly uncomfortable as my bladder makes itself felt. Even keeping my eyes open is too hard.
A great day, is usually followed; not by a 'bad' day - but by a drained one. A half a day to get out of bed, I'll probably stay in my pajamas all day; because showering and putting on clean clothes is WAY too much hard work. I'll drink four or five cups of tea, and eat nothing that takes more than adding hot water (muesli bars are great - zero effort to make, and reasonably nutritious). I'll nap. Eventually I'll try and go back to sleep, except, thanks to Depression napping, I'm not sleepy any more.
All of this means I'm incredibly vulnerable to the voices of Depression during drained days. When I can't even keep my eyes open, distraction from them is really difficult, and it's where my new found love of audiobooks has come from. My mis-firing brain takes a break from self-sabotage, and builds a story instead. It's hard for the Depression talk to be heard over the narrator, and I can hold on to the little self-belief I've built up.
I'm giving audiobooks a lot of credit for my recent ability to start moving forward. Where family (and dear friends) have given me the support and environment I desperately needed to keep me stable, it's taken being able to hold on to the positives through the hard days, the ability to build some confidence, that's let me start progressing.
Turns out I've needed Human and Book shields to start improving.
Derri.
So I'm going to talk about Depression tiredness.
It's different to being sleepy, or worn out. It's an inability to function.
I've had some really positive days recently, which are bloody FANTASTIC after all this time - the down side is how the Depression kicks my butt afterward. It knocks me out. Despite how great I feel during the positive moments - once I sleep, I wake up empty. Drained of any kind of energy at all. So much so, that I can lay there for hours before finding the oomph to check the time on my phone - and that includes being increasingly uncomfortable as my bladder makes itself felt. Even keeping my eyes open is too hard.
A great day, is usually followed; not by a 'bad' day - but by a drained one. A half a day to get out of bed, I'll probably stay in my pajamas all day; because showering and putting on clean clothes is WAY too much hard work. I'll drink four or five cups of tea, and eat nothing that takes more than adding hot water (muesli bars are great - zero effort to make, and reasonably nutritious). I'll nap. Eventually I'll try and go back to sleep, except, thanks to Depression napping, I'm not sleepy any more.
I'm giving audiobooks a lot of credit for my recent ability to start moving forward. Where family (and dear friends) have given me the support and environment I desperately needed to keep me stable, it's taken being able to hold on to the positives through the hard days, the ability to build some confidence, that's let me start progressing.
Turns out I've needed Human and Book shields to start improving.
Derri.
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