It's a standard question.
The answer, for everyone, is vague - for me there's a mental checklist going on; do you really want to know? Are you being polite? Is 'what I've been up to' appropriate for you to know? Is 'what I've been up to' any of your business? Will my answer seem pathetic?
The follow up to answers of 'not much', 'the usual', or even 'what did you hear?' defines what the person asking is really doing. Are they checking up on a rumour? 'well, I heard...', are they just asking to be polite? 'me either/too', are they looking to tell you what THEY've been up to? This is very common. Or is it a simple conversational gambit, hoping to find a commonality to talk about?
Or.
Are they trying to determine my mental health? Is someone showing me they care? It's hard for me to answer this question honestly. Because a factual response of 'nothing', highlights that I still haven't found my thing, the thing that will be my path back to reality. 'Nothing' is what I feel, what I feel like doing, what I want, and what I've achieved. This usually isn't a good thing for friends or family to hear.
Like most people who slog through life with Depression in their heads, I spend a lot of time worrying that my issues bring other people down, and trying to phrase things in ways that seem more positive. I don't tell lies, and I try not to mislead, instead I find 'nicer' ways of responding. 'Not a lot' means the same thing as 'nothing', but sounds less hollow. 'Having trouble sleeping' sounds better than 'the insomnia is kicking my arse'. 'I'm getting there' is more positive than 'I showered four days ago, and don't stink yet'.
Everyone is so busy not being anyone else's downer, that we ALL act happier than we really are in public. No one wears their true face in front of more than a very few people. Think of all the new parents, people struggling with relationships, the recently bereaved, the NOT so recently bereaved but still grieving, misunderstood kids, hormonal adolescents, the lonely... I challenge you to find someone in your life who isn't going through something horribly stressful, and if you do find someone, they're really good at hiding the cracks.
I prefer the question: How are you feeling? This I can answer completely honestly. I feel OK. I feel better than yesterday. I'm having a bad day. I'm struggling today. While these answers are no more positive than [I've been doing] nothing, there's at least a sense that it's temporary. Today I feel like this. Right now I feel like this. Tomorrow, later, eventually, my answers could be different.
I'm grateful I have people who ask me any questions at all. It means I'm lucky enough to have people who care.
That sentence is symbolic of my Depressed brain. I know that's what the questions mean. I know that people care about me. I feel that I have to reassure my people that I hear them. To let them know I appreciate their caring. because it helps them be more at ease with my broken brain.
The reality is that my Depressed life, until I find my thing, is nothing.
I'm OK.
Derri
P.S. I've had some people recently ask if they can share my blog. ABSOLUTELY. This is a completely public blabbing of my mixed up head, and if it helps one friend in supporting another - totally worth it.
The answer, for everyone, is vague - for me there's a mental checklist going on; do you really want to know? Are you being polite? Is 'what I've been up to' appropriate for you to know? Is 'what I've been up to' any of your business? Will my answer seem pathetic?
Or.
Are they trying to determine my mental health? Is someone showing me they care? It's hard for me to answer this question honestly. Because a factual response of 'nothing', highlights that I still haven't found my thing, the thing that will be my path back to reality. 'Nothing' is what I feel, what I feel like doing, what I want, and what I've achieved. This usually isn't a good thing for friends or family to hear.
Like most people who slog through life with Depression in their heads, I spend a lot of time worrying that my issues bring other people down, and trying to phrase things in ways that seem more positive. I don't tell lies, and I try not to mislead, instead I find 'nicer' ways of responding. 'Not a lot' means the same thing as 'nothing', but sounds less hollow. 'Having trouble sleeping' sounds better than 'the insomnia is kicking my arse'. 'I'm getting there' is more positive than 'I showered four days ago, and don't stink yet'.
I'm grateful I have people who ask me any questions at all. It means I'm lucky enough to have people who care.
That sentence is symbolic of my Depressed brain. I know that's what the questions mean. I know that people care about me. I feel that I have to reassure my people that I hear them. To let them know I appreciate their caring. because it helps them be more at ease with my broken brain.
The reality is that my Depressed life, until I find my thing, is nothing.
I'm OK.
Derri
P.S. I've had some people recently ask if they can share my blog. ABSOLUTELY. This is a completely public blabbing of my mixed up head, and if it helps one friend in supporting another - totally worth it.
Comments
Post a Comment