One of the things I've learned in the last few years is that I take up space in other people's hearts. On my particularly bad days, I have to remind myself that other people CHOSE to give me space there, and that they don't want me to vanish.
Fun Fact: Taking up space is all I do.
I'm an extra in other people's lives. Most people are a lead character in the show of their lives, for some it's a drama, others a veritable sit-com, some are massive ensemble casts, and others are more intimate affairs, but most people have significant roles to play; they're integral to the show of their lives, and most people find satisfaction in it.
I'm a bit player nowadays. I show up in other people's shows. I'm the slightly dotty aunt, the tired sister, the online chat at 3am, the lady on the train, the woman in the waiting room, and sometimes I get to be the haven't-seen-you-in-ages old friend.
Lately I've been struggling to even be an extra. Which is tough, because I have roles that are held open just for me. Shows that WANT me to be in them, shows that know I don't headline anymore, but the cast appreciate my cameo appearances.
I used to have my own show. I was a core cast member. I had major roles in it too. I played a mother, a partner, and a colleague. Turns out, the Depression living in my head meant I never gave 100%, and eventually the show went on without me. It's still running, and only a few people noticed the change. The show must go on after all. There was a birthday in it last week, and I wish I could have been there.
I feel like I'm that old theatre that everyone has great memories of, but nobody's noticed it's been shut down for years.
So yeah, that's where my head's at this week.
Derri.
Fun Fact: Taking up space is all I do.
I'm an extra in other people's lives. Most people are a lead character in the show of their lives, for some it's a drama, others a veritable sit-com, some are massive ensemble casts, and others are more intimate affairs, but most people have significant roles to play; they're integral to the show of their lives, and most people find satisfaction in it.
I'm a bit player nowadays. I show up in other people's shows. I'm the slightly dotty aunt, the tired sister, the online chat at 3am, the lady on the train, the woman in the waiting room, and sometimes I get to be the haven't-seen-you-in-ages old friend.
Lately I've been struggling to even be an extra. Which is tough, because I have roles that are held open just for me. Shows that WANT me to be in them, shows that know I don't headline anymore, but the cast appreciate my cameo appearances.
I used to have my own show. I was a core cast member. I had major roles in it too. I played a mother, a partner, and a colleague. Turns out, the Depression living in my head meant I never gave 100%, and eventually the show went on without me. It's still running, and only a few people noticed the change. The show must go on after all. There was a birthday in it last week, and I wish I could have been there.
I feel like I'm that old theatre that everyone has great memories of, but nobody's noticed it's been shut down for years.
So yeah, that's where my head's at this week.
Derri.
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