Vague: (adj) thinking or communicating in an unfocused or imprecise way.
I've had a vague week. So much so, I had to write this week's entry in bits.
I can't think clearly. I know lots of words and can't remember them to describe things. The word 'um' is being used a lot. I don't like the word um. Struggling to find words is not who I am. Except on vague days.
My brain is slow. I drift off. My concentration is almost non-existent. I'm not even thinking. Me. Who has an internal monologue that's usually ...fuckitall, there's a word... going all the time.... there's a word that means that.... dammit.
Lots of pauses to find words. Remember what I'm reading. Focus on what I'm typing. Focus is hard. I've got an audio book on (The Martian - if you're interested), and I've replayed almost every chapter this week, because it's not being heard. I can't even listening properly.
My computer will 'ding' and it takes me a moment to register I should respond to something. Doing things consciously is hard. Actions that are usually automatic are strangely made up of numerous small tasks I don't pay attention to. When I feel vague, opening an email feels like a hundred little steps (it's really only a handful, hear the ding, time to remember what the ding means, opening a browser, opening gmail, opening the 'new' email, looking at the sender, deciding if I can deal with the content)
Perpetual. That's the word I knew I wanted.
Vague. I feel out of sync with time. One minute it's 9:30am, and I'm trying to decide if I'm hungry, the next it's 2:45pm, and cornflakes are a good idea.
I remembered to eat something at teatime. I cooked a pie. I didn't burn it - yay! Only because I used the timer (I don't normally, it's really loud), I'd forgotten I put it in the oven.
Me. Vague. I hate it. Vague is NOT who I am.
But. What if it is now?
Derri.
I've had a vague week. So much so, I had to write this week's entry in bits.
I can't think clearly. I know lots of words and can't remember them to describe things. The word 'um' is being used a lot. I don't like the word um. Struggling to find words is not who I am. Except on vague days.
My brain is slow. I drift off. My concentration is almost non-existent. I'm not even thinking. Me. Who has an internal monologue that's usually ...fuckitall, there's a word... going all the time.... there's a word that means that.... dammit.
Lots of pauses to find words. Remember what I'm reading. Focus on what I'm typing. Focus is hard. I've got an audio book on (The Martian - if you're interested), and I've replayed almost every chapter this week, because it's not being heard. I can't even listening properly.
My computer will 'ding' and it takes me a moment to register I should respond to something. Doing things consciously is hard. Actions that are usually automatic are strangely made up of numerous small tasks I don't pay attention to. When I feel vague, opening an email feels like a hundred little steps (it's really only a handful, hear the ding, time to remember what the ding means, opening a browser, opening gmail, opening the 'new' email, looking at the sender, deciding if I can deal with the content)
Perpetual. That's the word I knew I wanted.
Vague. I feel out of sync with time. One minute it's 9:30am, and I'm trying to decide if I'm hungry, the next it's 2:45pm, and cornflakes are a good idea.
I remembered to eat something at teatime. I cooked a pie. I didn't burn it - yay! Only because I used the timer (I don't normally, it's really loud), I'd forgotten I put it in the oven.
Me. Vague. I hate it. Vague is NOT who I am.
But. What if it is now?
Derri.
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