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You're lucky I love you.

It's Mother's Day here soon, and my Mum's been on my mind a lot.  I wonder how she would try and support me, because I have no doubt that she would try.  She always told me "You're lucky I love you." when things were hard.

All of my life, this was a way my Mum told me that she really did love me.  Any number of times, I did something I shouldn't have, and the phrase 'you're lucky I love you' told me that while she didn't like what I did, I could still rely on her love.

We went through some horrific times as a family.  My Mum made decisions that impacted our lives in positive and negative ways, and I never, NEVER, doubted that she loved me. 

I did a lot of things my Mum struggled with, and there were times we barely spoke.  We differed on any number of things, but I always knew;  I was lucky she loved me.  That love meant she would never embarrass me in front of strangers (only other family!), when I lashed out at her, she would hide her hurt;  her love meant that no matter how dreadfully I behaved, how disrespectful I could be, or how abominably I behaved;  it was lucky she loved me, she'd never turn her back. 

It was her reassurance that no matter how badly I damaged our relationship, or behaved in a way that could cause others turn away from me, she never would.  Even as we fought - as we strove to be women trying to explain our lives to each other, as we completely disregarded things the other thought were important, she would remind me, "You're lucky I love you." 

There were other times too, when I felt guilty for asking for her help, again, out of a situation she warned me against, again.  No matter her feelings, she'd help me out, again, and instead of 'I told you so you twit, you should have listened, how many times to I have to bail you out' I'd get a sigh, the help I needed, and a reminder that... "you're lucky I love you."

I miss her.  I miss the security of my Mum's truth.  I wish I had managed to instill the same security in my own children.  I know I come close with other family, and a few very close friends, but it's not the same. 

If you still have your Mum, you're lucky she loves you. 

Derri.
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Comments

  1. Anonymous29 April 2019 at 22:34

    You are so lucky to have that kind of relationship with your mum - it is something to treasure and hold on to! Something horribly missing from my life, and something I am absolutely determined not to repeat for my babies!

    ReplyDelete

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