A tough week, with some wonderful moments.
I cried a lot this week. I felt insignificant and that my life was utterly meaningless. I missed people who are gone, and I miss people who are closed to me. I felt very isolated, and leaned very heavily on the people around me. It meant lots of long conversations on messenger, late night phone calls, and more online activity than usual for me, because I was much closer to the edge than is normal for me. I spent a lot of time wishing horrible things on myself, cancer, a stroke...
The upcoming weekend (just gone) included a night out though - I wanted to go, and was going to go, no matter how badly I felt. By the time my sister arrived to pick me up for the weekend - I was hanging on by a thread, and needed a hug beyond badly.
She gives great hugs.
I wasn't sure how I was going to get on with the party, so I had an escape early plan, and there was space to retreat if I needed it. I had a FANTASTIC night, aided in part by a fellow struggling soul. My escape plan worked for both of us, and we were able to soak in the fun, and leave before being overwhelmed. Then there was enough time away from the larger celebration to settle back into our quiet worlds, and were able to do that while still feeling sociable.
The following day was Mothers Day. A day I have to fight to get through. After an unusual turn of events, I ended up looking after my nephew for the day. I needed to be 'present', or 'in the moment' for him, and I got to the end of the day, despite feeling completely drained, in surprisingly good shape.
I'm home now. Shattered. I'll probably sleep for a couple of days. I've run out of everything. I have no emotion left, no energy, no oomph at all.
I've had a cup of tea. I've watched episode five of Game of Thrones (not impressed - just sayin'), and I've eaten left overs. Bed next.
Here's to a week of lesser extremes.
Derri.
I cried a lot this week. I felt insignificant and that my life was utterly meaningless. I missed people who are gone, and I miss people who are closed to me. I felt very isolated, and leaned very heavily on the people around me. It meant lots of long conversations on messenger, late night phone calls, and more online activity than usual for me, because I was much closer to the edge than is normal for me. I spent a lot of time wishing horrible things on myself, cancer, a stroke...
She gives great hugs.
I wasn't sure how I was going to get on with the party, so I had an escape early plan, and there was space to retreat if I needed it. I had a FANTASTIC night, aided in part by a fellow struggling soul. My escape plan worked for both of us, and we were able to soak in the fun, and leave before being overwhelmed. Then there was enough time away from the larger celebration to settle back into our quiet worlds, and were able to do that while still feeling sociable.
The following day was Mothers Day. A day I have to fight to get through. After an unusual turn of events, I ended up looking after my nephew for the day. I needed to be 'present', or 'in the moment' for him, and I got to the end of the day, despite feeling completely drained, in surprisingly good shape.
I'm home now. Shattered. I'll probably sleep for a couple of days. I've run out of everything. I have no emotion left, no energy, no oomph at all.
I've had a cup of tea. I've watched episode five of Game of Thrones (not impressed - just sayin'), and I've eaten left overs. Bed next.
Here's to a week of lesser extremes.
Derri.
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