Doing something good

When times are really tough, and I'm having a *'tar day', just getting out of bed is an achievement. More frequent, are the 'low' days. These are days when I can tick a task or two off the to-do list. It could be a single 'big' thing, like changing the sheets (tough in a tiny mezzanine space), or a couple of smaller things, such as taking a shower, or doing the dishes.

*'tar day' = the sensation of being stuck in invisible tar, making movement incredibly difficult and tiring.

Every so often I'll have a day where I've booked something important and no matter the level of 'tar' or how low the low, I'll do my damnedest to get there. Rarely are the days so bad I have to re-schedule, but it's always a re-schedule, never a cancellation - and what is this important thing you ask?

It's doing something GOOD. It's going to the closest NZ Blood site, and donating plasma. I don't know how other countries do it, but here, there's no money in it. It's a genuine donation. Donating plasma is a like donating blood, but takes a bit longer. It uses a machine that processes your blood through a centrifuge to separate the plasma from the red blood cells, and returns those to you, over a varying number of cycles. For almost a litre of plasma (3 cycles if you're interested), I am given a thank you, some juice, maybe a cup of tea, and some cake and biscuits.

What I actually get, is a sense of validation. That my existence is important in the grand scheme of the universe. Not because someone who knows me thinks I'm worthy, but because someone out there who doesn't, has their life impacted in a positive way because I made the choice to do a good deed. It's an act I find profoundly helpful in dealing with my Depression, and sadly, because I've been changing meds, changing dosages, and haven't yet settled into a regular regime, I haven't been eligible to go for a few months. It'll be a good few more before I can go again (today was another dosage change), and my need to 'do something good' is as strong as ever.

My current psychologist is intrigued by this urge, and we discussed it at length today. We agreed (obviously) that donating plasma isn't an indication of mental instability, and is something that more people should do - while trying to pinpoint why I feel strongly enough about it, that it can get me out of bed - even on extremely bad days. To be fair, we haven't figured it out precisely, but we found a few clear connections. It fills my need to contribute to a society I'm still a part of, despite feeling like a burden to it, it's a measurable way to feel useful, and finally, because it gives me an emotional lift - making it the ultimate win-win use of time.

Currently though? I've been looking at all sorts of ways to 'contribute' something, and even doing the research, looking into things, seeing what's out there, gives me a slight lift. There are innumerable charities, clubs, volunteer associations, and community groups, and I'm sure I'll find one that needs my particular set of skills eventually.

In the meantime, what's the last good thing you did for your neighbourhood?

Derri